Spontaneous sex that happens in a moment of passion can be amazing, but when you’re a busy person, possibly in charge of small children with another busy person, it doesn’t always happen. Couples who’ve been together may find themselves too tired or too busy running around to ever let the magic happen on its own. And that’s exactly why sexperts say scheduling sex is the solution.

Sure, scheduling sex sounds pretty un-sexy, but if you want to make sure you find time to get it on, it’s worth a try, right? Relationship therapist Rachel A. Sussman says she’s a big fan of putting sex on the calendar and she suggests couples look for “windows of opportunity” in their schedules to make it happen. Between work, kids’ activities, and having your little ones in your bed all the time, finding that open window may be tough, but if having more sex is your goal, this could help.

So what happens if you find your “window of opportunity” but you or your partner isn’t in the mood at that time? When that happens, Sussman suggests asking for a rain check. “The person who doesn’t want to do it can’t pull a, ‘Not tonight, I have a headache,’” she explains, “but they can say, ‘Not tonight, but how about next Wednesday?’”

Sussman points out that we have nothing to lose by trying to schedule sex. If you’re unsure about it, she advises trying it for a month and then deciding if it’s working or not. And if it’s not helping, you can stop and go back to crossing your fingers and hoping the stars align and you get sexy time when you’re both feeling frisky.

Source: Refinery 29